November 9, 2015

5 Lessons From Amber Rose's "How to Be a Bad Bitch"

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Amber Rose probably caught your attention as the bald, voluptuous woman who was on Kanye's arm during award shows. A lot was said of her but she didn't really speak in public until recently. She said she had enough of people talking about her and controlling the narrative so she decided to speak up. I will admit that I was a bit put off by her but she's been swaying my opinion. She recently hosted one of the largest slut walks in LA and has been using her celebrity to help end slut shaming. What I loved most about Roxanne Gay's "Bad Feminist" was that Gay tries to break down the stigmas of what I refer to "uppity" feminism (or typically white lady feminism) where you have to dress, act, and talk a certain way. Gloria Steinem is great but we also need the Amber Roses on our side too.

Okay, off my soap box now. Here are 5 lessons to take away her book "How to Be A Bad Bitch":

1. A bad bitch makes mistakes. What sets them apart is that she learns and grows from them. Amber admits to making many mistakes in her lifetime - we're all human. She learned a lot of lessons in the "School of Hard Knocks." She was an exotic dancer, which is where she said she learned a lot about money. "A bad bitch never lives outside her means" is something she learned in the stripper world. It helped her manage her money now that she's running her own business and has employees.

2. Being a bad bitch is a state of mind. She grew up in South Philly and said she never felt fully at home. She always told her friends that she was going to live in Hollywood one day. It is easy to punch holes in this philosophy - you have to also have talent/skill to get out of somewhere you can't just sit around saying you're going to leave. But there is something to be said to putting yourself in the mindset of where you want to be. It can change your actions in the present if you know what you want your future to be.

3. Play with your look. Amber has a very distinctive look - shaved, blonde hair. She talks about her experimental teenage phase and how she came to shaving her head. She also says that finding "her look" helped her find herself. I think there is something to a woman playing with her hairstyle and makeup that can bring out something within. I didn't start wearing makeup until college where I was with all these fashionable girls. I played with my look and sometimes was a little too dramatic lol but now that I've settled in to my usual look, it has helped me define my overall being.

4. Own your body. She's never been afraid of showing off her curves (and can you blame her?). She talks about how the popular girls in high school were only really popular in high school because they exuded confidence so everyone were like "oh wow look at them." Which is really the case all your life. Someone walks into a room confidently you automatically want to know what that person is about. She does particularly talk about curvy girls because she is one so she can't really speak on behalf of other girls. But I'm definitely in awe of her self-confidence, which came a lot from her mother (who sounds wonderful!).

5. Stay of social media when you're feeling sad. This is a good habit for anyone but I'm sure as an "Instagram celeb" or what not where you're constantly scrutinized it can be extremely crucial. I'm all for doing a digital detox. She says it's a constant battle to let go of negativity but she says she gets her power from loving herself. Agree! When you love yourself, you start caring less what other people have to say to you. And on those days you're not feeling strong then don't login and watch guilty pleasure TV. But also vice versa, don't be a mean girl in person or online. You never know what those comments can do to do someone's self-esteem and it's just not a good look. "A bad bitch is too busy and too fabulous to post comments" lol great line. Everything can be seen on social media folks!

There are of course some downfalls to the book for which Refinery29 laid out in an shockingly eloquent post. She hasn't shaken off some old stigmas of girls should bend to what men want "be cool and play video games." Then there's the fact she never uses the word "feminist" and instead opts for "bad bitch" as a cooler term. There's been a movement away from the word "feminism" because we've honestly alienated people. And there's the facial comment... #icant lol.

Will you be reading Amber's book?

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