September 20, 2012

I Don't Dress For Men

Source: via Alanna on Pinterest

I fell in love with fashion because it allowed me to express myself. We live in a judgmental society where people will look at you and decide whether or not they like you in a matter of seconds. I knew people were already looking at me because of my short stature, so why not give them a reason to look? Whether it was wearing some quirky trend or statement accessories, I hoped to change the topic to what I was wearing. However, in this quest I also managed to make some profound statements that I didn't know I was making about myself.

I never believed in going to extremes for fashion. I always opted for what was comfortable which meant I had a standard uniform of t-shirt and jeans. I was a tomboy who went to fashion school so now I like to call my style "tomboy chic" since I don't dress in ill-fitting clothes. I know I look ridiculous walking in heels and I also know the damaging effects they can have. The pain was not worth it to me and now my heels collection is slowly shrinking as I'm opting for more flats. I love and admire heels but as pieces of arts, not to stand on for hours.

I also wear a lot of pants. I feel self conscious in skirts or dresses because I haven't mastered the proper way to cross my legs as not to reveal too much. I feel I can be more myself and relaxed in pants knowing I'm not flashing the world. Was that meant to be a statement? No. But it also shows that even when we aren't consciously thinking about what we put on... we can still send a message to the world.

My style is still evolving but I like where it's going. However, in a discussion with my friends about what to wear for my dates, some suggest that I need to be more ladylike or say I need "show my goods." Since I'm short, guys can look right down my shirt. I also was a late bloomer so in high school did anything to have some cleavage. Now that I'm a C cup, I like to stay covered up on top and leave a little bit of mystery.

When dressing for a date, I don't understand why I need to dress outside the norm of my usual attire? Perhaps when I was younger I did, but now that I'm in my late 20's, more confident, more self-assured, I don't even factor in "will a guy find me sexy?" when I put an outfit together. For dates I ask "what's comfortable and what says something about my personality?" Here are two date outfits I wore recently: outfit 1 and outfit 2. Did you get a sense of who Kim is from those looks? Hopefully they did too.

I began writing this article just from my own personal experience but also to hopefully let other girls know they don't have to constantly think about the other sex when putting an outfit together. Then I came across this post (thanks to my fellow bloggers from The Collective) which was so disheartening. I'm sure there are plenty other posts like this one out there so I'm glad I began to draft this post and this really pushed me to finish it. I don't want to spend too much on it since the logic is absurd but I'd like to debunk a few of the points:

- "Men hate feminists." First of all, hate is a strong word. Secondly, most men have grown out of the 60's mindset that a woman should be in the kitchen (thankfully). Lastly, I don't appreciate that she is implying that feminism is a bad thing. To quickly define "feminist" it's someone who believes in the equal rights of women. Feminists are not limited to just women. I believe she's trying to stereotype feminists as butch women who don't wear makeup or shave their legs. By the way, I know guys who have dated girls who don't shave their legs which goes to show there's some body out there every body. But, think about it, do you really want to date a guy who doesn't think you should have equal rights? I sure as hell don't.

- Men actually love red lipstick. Which is why I hate wearing it. I've had my fellow heterosexual guys tell me that guys automatically think of naughty things when a girl wears red lipstick so I put it off for many years. But guess I forgot about it during my bold lipstick craze and wore it to go out with my boyfriend (now ex) who literally jumped me when he saw me. I was mortified! Now I tend to stick with other bold lipstick choices like corals and pinks. Those seem to keep the boys away. I don't know what it is... something about red.

Me in a bow tie at Fashion Week with Audrey Allure
I'm not trying to attract a man with my clothes (so I'm not getting as many dates... don't really care) but I hope I'm attracting the right guy who gets what message I'm sending with my wardrobe. I'd like to think I'm weeding out bad matches for myself so perhaps fewer dates but hopefully I'm attracting more quality guys who are a better match since they looked past the bow ties to see a loyal, honest woman who will crack them up.

I personally think women are doing themselves a disservice dressing for men because then how do you cultivate your own personal style? Constantly seeking the approval of others will get you nowhere. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Having a personal styles takes a great knowledge of who you are and what you want to portray to the world. Being self-assured is probably the best quality you can bring to a relationship because then you can figure out what you need from your significant other. I don't dress for men. I dress for myself.

What's your take? Do you dress for men?


  1. PREACH IT! I was so upset by the feminism thing. I think people don't understand the meaning of feminism in todays age. This doesn't mean woman running around burning our bras. But for the modern day world feminism is really what happens everyday. For the woman who have kids and goes to work. Or for the woman who decide to wear clothes that they love. Everyday we make a statement whether we realize it or not. Also I think men now and days love a strong woman. As a female you should dress for yourself. Sure there are times where you want to dress to impress and I mean who doesn't want to play dress up but usually you do it for yourself and then for that special someone. I don't know how I would dress if I dressed for my bf actually for one thing i wouldn't own any 5 inch heels since he hates them but whatever I love him. Also you shouldn't look for a mate that is interested in what you wear clothes are clothes but who you are is what really counts. What about your personality? If your ugly on the inside but dress the way a "guy" wants you to would he like you more? Probs not. Anyway its crazy to think that there is such logic out there in the "21st century".

    1. Aw thank you my dear :) Yeah I definitely think a feminist has evolved since the general stereotype to successful, independent women.

  2. Goodness Gracious... thank you! I read the same post you did and was shocked.

    I get that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they can express it any way they want and whatever forum they want, but I think there's a point where you cross the line and your start insulting and offending people. That post did just that. Generalizing and making statements that make you seem like your some kind of expert... well it's never good.

    I have a feeling that men find strippers sexy, but you won't seeing me walking around half naked anytime soon. No thanks. I'll stick to my boring old cardigans and bubble necklaces with my red lips.

    Love your post!!!!

    1. Good point. Hopefully I didn't offend anyone with this post (unlike hers). It's never good to over generalize. hehe cardigans, bubble necklaces and red lips sounds fabulous :)

  3. WOW! WOW! Umm I don't even know what to say about that girl Ravens post, but yours rocks! You are awesome Kim and an aamzing guy will come your way!
    Love this part: "but I hope I'm attracting the right guy who gets what message I'm sending with my wardrobe. I'd like to think I'm weeding out bad matches for myself so perhaps fewer dates but hopefully I'm attracting more quality guys who are a better match since they looked past the bow ties to see a loyal, honest woman who will crack them up."



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