August 9, 2011

I'd Rather Be An Aunt


The whole "get married and have kids" idea never appealed to me. Honestly, most children annoy me and I can't imagine the responsibility of not screwing one up. Then when my doctor told me it would be difficult for me to have children, I felt like my fate was sealed. I wasn't going to have kids and I was okay with that. Bloggers like ...love Maegan have opened up about their struggles to become pregnant. I feel sad that great women can't have kids meanwhile the girls of "Teen Mom" have no issues popping a baby out. So unfair.

I feel lucky that I have the option of waiting to find the time in my life if I do want a child with the option of adoption. Meanwhile, most women stress about their "biological clock" ticking and needing to find a husband before 35. There was a great post on xoJane.com today about the older she got, the less she desired having children. She says "I am trying not to waste any time worrying about it, or feeling shame or embarrassment that I don’t seem to feel how I’m meant to about the prospect of having kids. It has to be OK to feel contented with my life as it is. And yet, the pressure to reproduce as a normal part of adult life is occasionally so pervasive that I feel guilty even about my happiness." That's the other side of the pendulum I don't get. Why must we made to feel guilty about not having kids? There is a huge industry around parenting and society makes you feel left out of some elite club.

It's hard not to feel like you are failing at life by not having a kid. I haven't had to deal with this too much at 26 but I already have one friend getting married in October. You know what comes next... baby showers! Once all my friends are married with kids then I'll start feeling left out and jealous of all the gifts. I already joke that I only want to have a wedding for the gifts.

My nephews: Zach and Jacob

This past weekend I went back to southern California to visit my sister who has two boys. It was my older nephew, Jacob's (my birthday twin!), birthday party. My sister's friends came with all their little ones. It was so crazy to see these young 20-something year old girls married with kids. That could be me right now! It horrified me that I could be married with a kid by now. So my views definitely haven't changed as I'm getting older.

There was an article by Melanie Notkin a.k.a Savvy Auntie about childless women that I felt hit the nail on the head with some great points. Not having kids isn't always a choice, some women just get wrapped up in their careers and it never happens or happens later in life. She used the term "circumstantially infertile," which I think sums it up.

I applaud women (like my sister) who do it all: work a full-time job, take care of kids, make a marriage work, etc. However, those aren't my goals and I know for me right now, kids are not in my plan. Perhaps that will change in ten years. However, when ever I visit my nephews, it reaffirms that I'm quite happy being an aunt.

Do you want children? Is it something you always dreamed of or are you still figuring it out?

7 comments:

  1. I have such respect for those who don't want children and don't succumb to peer/familial pressures to have one. I know many a woman that after a couple glasses of wine admits she never wanted to be a parent.

    Not every person should be a politician, not every person should be a teacher, not everyone should be a lawyer, not every person should be a parent. Find it strange that society expects women to not only procreate but desire it practically from their own birth.

    I am a parent, but I didn't realize I wanted to be one until over the age of 30. I admire you for knowing yourself and being true to yourself.

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  2. Thank you :) I find it strange that we are expected to procreate as well. It's 2011- we have choices! hehe

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  3. Haha..great post Kim. I do want kids...but I would like a husband first lol

    xoxo Monroe

    Fashion Steele NYC

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  4. I totally agree. I actually LOVE kids, but I'm not quite sold on having children of my own and I really don't think I should have children without that burning desire.

    Also! I'm mega pro adoption if I decide to raise children I would prefer adopting. My mama used to work in foster care and I know there are so many beautiful kids that need a home. I wish that more people had this option in their head.

    I'm not saying I will never have kids, but I refuse to feel pressure over something I don't know I want. I looooooove being an auntie and a godmother :).

    Your nephews are cuuuuuuutiiies :D

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  5. I grew up wanting to be a mommy and I couldn't wait to get married and have kids.

    I found out about 6 months ago that I have a blood disorder that won't make it hard for me to get pregnant, but that my body will attack a baby as it would a disease, so my chances of miscarrying are about 90%+

    Since then I started really thinking if I want to have kids, etc - I could adopt, etc.

    I have my pup (fur-baby) and that's enough for me. I have a boyfriend I love, a great family and I get to do things I enjoy without worrying if it's the right thing to do.

    I think I will be content not being a mom, and I hope that I get to be a fun aunt one day. :)

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  6. @Monroe- haha when will we even have time to find a man :p

    @made-to-travel- I know there are so many wonderful kids that need loving parents. Thank you :)

    @Toya- haha you are a great aunt

    @Lia- Thank you for sharing your story. I will have many furry babies :) I'm glad you were able to find happiness and I hope you get to be an aunt too!

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